Updated: Aug 26, 2022
on feeling lost, looking for stability, and why "home is within"
In times of crisis we can feel like everything is too much, we cannot handle it, cannot "keep it together"; like everything is falling apart. A few weeks ago I was writing a friend sharing about some parts of my process, and I noticed myself typing the words "I'm just trying to keep things together." And in that moment I noticed: Why am I trying to hold things together when they are actually falling apart? Why am I forcefully pushing things back into their old place, when clearly that's not where they are meant to be anymore? Often we are told to "keep ourselves together". It's a sense of containing ourselves. Don't be too sad. Don't be too happy. When things seem to change and we dislike it, we try to bring it back to "normal". We were happy with what was, we somehow approved of the situation, and we'd rather not feel the discomfort of stepping into the unknown. So we keep on fighting, trying and trying, disregarding one of the most fundamental truths of existence: that everything is changing, always. And fighting against this often creates tension, stress, and suffering. We think it will be scary to look into the void. To feel the ultimate uncertainty and vulnerability of our lives. And yet, this is where we find our peace.
I like to think of it as a vortex in the sea: They say the only chance of surviving you might have is to surrender and let yourself sink to the bottom, then swim away. Fighting against the forces of the waters will only make you exhausted, it's a fight you won't ever win. So, the only way, really, is to let go. When you feel stuck in a vortex pulling you down, or lost in an emotional storm trying to find shelter: see if you can allow yourself to surrender to your experience. To your feelings and your bodily sensations. Let yourself fall apart a little and see where this takes you.
The point is to see life as it is. We don't anymore push away the challenging times, denying their existence. Neither are we forcefully holding on to the good, like rope-burning our hands. Instead, we know that the difficult times will pass. We know that the blissful times will pass. And we can let that make us engage more fully with life. Here we find true inner peace, stability, power, and trust. It's like coming home to our self; the center of safety and inner comfort; the eye of the storm.
In the midst of the greatest storm
seeking for the shore
I stopped the search
and I found home
If this is something you'd like to explore more deeply in your life, contact me and we can arrange a session.